5 days cleaning + 5 mins of a non-school day = utter chaos
Now there's an equation that's on a par with anything Einstein discovered. If they ever write a manual for parents (and imho it is badly needed by some people: I name no names) that should be on the first page!
Actually, it should have a chapter all to itself. Another chapter could be dedicated to "Fairy's". Now all parents know what I mean here but non-parents probably don't, so I will explain. Nobody EVER is responsible for anything. Drink spilt on carpet? "wasn't me" "wasn't me" "wasn't me". Of course not, the fairy's did it. Every bit of money you have in the house poked down the toilet? "wasn't me" "wasn't me" "wasn't me". Of course not, the fairy's did it. Have bad PMT and need chocolate worse than an addict needs their fix?? Guess what? the fairy's have eaten the last of the chocolate, and the biscuits, and the sweets, and the crisps.... in fact the Fairy's can go through an entire "treat box" 5 minutes after you have unpacked the shopping, and of course NO-ONE in the entire house has eaten ANY! Fairy's did it!! These are your 'general' fairy's... you also get 'specific' ones... the most prolific being the "Sock Fairy". This is the one who lives in the washing machine and steals one of every pair of socks you put in there. From hearsay and experience I have to say that this one also targets households where there are no children. Then there is the "Shoe Fairy", "Shoelace Fairy", "Key Fairy", "Pen Fairy", "Scissor Fairy"... I could go on and on. If anyone is reading this you will be nodding, you know what I'm talking about here. We have an especially nasty fairy in our house at the moment who waits until the children have picked up and put away ALL their toys (because of course they are good children and do that every time they finish playing) the she pounces and empties out the entire toy box, she even gets out toys that they weren't playing with, just to get them into trouble. How nasty is that? I think she had friends over today, there was evidence of the "dirty clothes under the bed" fairy, "sticky marks on the wall" fairy, "cut bits of paper into teensy weensy little bits and scatter over carpet" fairy, thankfully they didnt bring the "scribble felt-tip pens over wall" fairy - last time she turned up I told her I would stamp on her if she ever came back. I think she got the message!! Oh, I just remembered another 'resident' fairy, the "use every cup for one drink" fairy... she was around a lot today, I know that because not one single person in this house today even had a drink! Not only did that fairy use every cup immediately after I washed them but she also worked her way through six 2lt bottles of juice. Wow, she must have been peeing all day, looking on the bright side she must have stopped the "replace full toilet-rolls with cardboard tubes on the holder" fairy from getting in, as I havent seen her around today yet, probably tomorrow. I think I will set up some spy cameras and catch these 'fairies' in action, then I could sell the pictures and get some recompsense from them abusing my hospitality all these years, or I could invent a "fairy catcher" .... hmmm yeah that might work!!
posted by Anita @ 9:16 AM
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