Musings of a Humdrum Life

Dear Junk E-mailer...

I would like to thank you for your kind concern about my health, my medication levels and the length of my penis, it is also very considerate of you to send me all these links showing where I can get genuine replica (!) watches, jewellery and purses.

I would just like to point out to you that my health was fine as at 9.06 this morning (and at 9.07, 9.09, 9.12 and so forth) and while I do realise that illness can strike suddenly, is it really necessary to ask every 2 minutes? If I did fall seriously ill between 9.01 and 9.03 I doubt I would be on the computer reading your email giving me all these marvelous cures.

Please note that my medication levels are fine, in fact they are at zero - not because I've run out or can't find a supplier or even because they are too expensive (although i do appreciate the 304 emails you sent yesterday telling me where I can get cheaper meds) but because I dont actually need any... please dont think I'm ungrateful but when I need medication I'll get a prescription from my doctor and go to the chemist... would you like me to send you a couple of thousand emails telling you how this works? Oh, and just for the record - I'm not overweight and wouldnt use dubious slimming pills even if I was! If you have problems in this area I would recommend cutting back on calorie intake and increasing calorie burn - this is known in some circles as 'diet and excercise'. I'm sure Hoodia is the best thing since penacillian but I have no idea what it is and wouldnt buy it even if I did!

As for penis enlargement, even given the fact you guarantee results and have lots of satisfied customers and even more satisfied wives and girlfriends... I can guarantee it wouldnt work on me - I dont actually have a penis or a wife or a girlfriend.. I do however have a husband and his penis if fine, thank you very much! To be honest with you, if I heard someone scream all night I would either phone an ambulance or noise pollution - I definitely wouldnt rush to the computer to email the fact out to as many people as possible... I suspect you may have an exhibitionist complex, have you ever thought of therapy?

With regards to the jewellery/shopping links you send me, on average every 2.4 mins, if I want a watch, necklace or purse I will go out and buy one, from a shop (as you havent ever been out of the house you may not realise that some of the buildings out there in the big bad world have merchadise in them that you visit and buy things- these are shops!) - I may even buy a genuine article although I'm sure it wont be as good quality as your genuine replicas (!) and I really dont care if all the 'Stars' have one and no, I dont need an alphabetical list of which stars and I definitely dont need pictures of them wearing it!

So even though i have so much fun trawling through the 600+ emails you send me every day and I have nothing better to do than spend time checking and deleting them, I do think it would be better if you just got a life and stopped wasting time in mine.

Yours faithfully
A non-penis owning woman without a girlfriend who needs satisfying, who is in perfect health, isnt overweight and already owns a watch.

posted by Anita @ 9:07 AM